I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
