its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
