i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
