Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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