the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize