dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i will never coherently bang her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
