i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
