My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
