so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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