Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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