Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
