He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
