Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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