I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
