Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
