I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
