i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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