I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
