Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
They have beer where we have blood.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
