Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
