just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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