It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
