I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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