can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
