Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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