Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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