you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
