The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
