Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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