How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
