I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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