morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Come see our sink grown plant.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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