I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
