apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
