is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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