Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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