You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
