Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
