Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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