side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize