An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
