You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
His nipple licking is glorious
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