Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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