Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Still dying that you shit outside
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
