Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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