trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
