i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
