She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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