I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
