A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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