It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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