there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
