Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
