Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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