I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
