You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
