Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
