just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
