the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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