I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
