i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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