ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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